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Joke TIME MunA.. RelaX..

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LOVELY.TOTSZ
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Post by {FET-MOD- LoSTSOuL} Sat Dec 12, 2009 10:23 pm

ladies and getlemen

share your jokes..

para lahat is happy

laughter is the best medicine

ahehehe

SMILE ^__^

TC TC TC
{FET-MOD- LoSTSOuL}
{FET-MOD- LoSTSOuL}

Age : 35
Location : Dagupan City, Pangasinan
Join date : 2009-12-11

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Post by {FET-MOD- LoSTSOuL} Sat Dec 12, 2009 10:25 pm

BEER TROUBLESHOOTING

SYMPTOM: Feet cold and wet.
FAULT: Glass being held at incorrect angle.
ACTION: Rotate glass so that open end points toward
ceiling.

SYMPTOM: Feet warm and wet.
FAULT: Improper bladder control.
ACTION: Stand next to nearest dog, complain about house
training.

SYMPTOM: Beer unusually pale and tasteless.
FAULT: Glass empty.
ACTION: Get someone to buy you another beer.

SYMPTOM: Opposite wall covered with fluorescent lights.
FAULT: You have fallen over backward.
ACTION: Have yourself leashed to bar.

SYMPTOM: Mouth contains cigarette butts.
FAULT: You have fallen forward.
ACTION: See above.

SYMPTOM: Beer tasteless, front of your shirt is wet.
FAULT: Mouth not open, or glass applied to wrong part of
face.
ACTION: Retire to restroom, practice in mirror.

SYMPTOM: Floor blurred.
FAULT: You are looking through bottom of empty glass.
ACTION: Get someone to buy you another beer.

SYMPTOM: Floor moving.
FAULT: You are being carried out.
ACTION: Find out if you are being taken to another bar.

SYMPTOM: Room seems unusually dark.
FAULT: Bar has closed.
ACTION: Confirm home address with bartender.

SYMPTOM: Taxi suddenly takes on colorful aspect and
textures.
FAULT: Beer consumption has exceeded personal
limitations.
ACTION: Cover mouth.

SYMPTOM: Everyone looks up to you and smiles.
FAULT: You are dancing on the table.
ACTION: Fall on somebody cushy-looking.

SYMPTOM: Beer is crystal-clear.
FAULT: It's water. Somebody is trying to sober you up.
ACTION: Punch him.

SYMPTOM: Hands hurt, nose hurts, mind unusually clear.
FAULT: You have been in a fight.
ACTION: Apologize to everyone you see, just in case it was
them.

SYMPTOM: Don't recognize anyone, don't recognize the room
you're in.
FAULT: You've wandered into the wrong party.
ACTION: See if they have free beer.

SYMPTOM: Your singing sounds distorted.
FAULT: The beer is too weak.
ACTION: Have more beer until your voice improves.

SYMPTOM: Don't remember the words to the song.
FAULT: Beer is just right.
ACTION: Play air guitar.
{FET-MOD- LoSTSOuL}
{FET-MOD- LoSTSOuL}

Age : 35
Location : Dagupan City, Pangasinan
Join date : 2009-12-11

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Post by {FET-MOD- LoSTSOuL} Sat Dec 12, 2009 10:31 pm

AnaK: Mom i know the truth
Mom: ha?? eto P500 huwag ka lang maingay sa Dad mo!!

Anak: Dad i know the truth
Dad: ha?? eto ang P1000 huwag ka lang maingay sa Mom mo

Anak: (ok pa ito... subukan ko nga sa katulong) Inday i know the truth!!!
Inday: SA WAKAS!!! YAKAPIN MO AKO ANAK!!!
{FET-MOD- LoSTSOuL}
{FET-MOD- LoSTSOuL}

Age : 35
Location : Dagupan City, Pangasinan
Join date : 2009-12-11

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Post by {FET-MOD- LoSTSOuL} Sat Dec 12, 2009 10:33 pm

Math love story...

Boy: do you know that my love for you is like the limit of a constant over a variable as the variable approaches zero??
Girl; ano yun?
Boy:infinity Smile
Girl: ganun? eh alam mo bang ang lab ko sau ay parang limit of a function of x as x approaches ' a', f d function of x s equal to 'c' f x s gretar than
a en s equal to d nd f x s less than or equal to a?
Boy: ano namn yun ?
Girl: syntax error!!!
{FET-MOD- LoSTSOuL}
{FET-MOD- LoSTSOuL}

Age : 35
Location : Dagupan City, Pangasinan
Join date : 2009-12-11

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Post by {FET-MOD- LoSTSOuL} Sat Dec 12, 2009 10:35 pm

Erap Bumbs foreigner

Erap: sorry!!!

Foreigner: sorry too!!

Erap: im sorry 3!!!

Foreigner: What your sorry for??

Erap: sorry 5!!!

Foreigner: sorry but your sick!!

Erap: Sorry 7.. kala yata nito hindi ako marunong magbilang ah…
{FET-MOD- LoSTSOuL}
{FET-MOD- LoSTSOuL}

Age : 35
Location : Dagupan City, Pangasinan
Join date : 2009-12-11

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Post by {FET-MOD- LoSTSOuL} Sat Dec 12, 2009 10:41 pm

Guro: ano ang dapat gawin kapag lumindol??
Pepito: buksan po ang ilaw!!!
Guro: Bakit?
Pepito: kasi po sa kubo naming madalas lumindol pag gabi… pero pagnagswitch ako ng ilaw biglang natigil…

NURSE: nasa isip mo ba pamilya mo?
BALIW: siyempre man! OO!
[Nurse natuwa..]
NURSE: asan ba pamilya mo?
BALIW: nasa isip ko. Tanga ba you?

Doctor: cge, pag nakapasa ka sa test ko na to, lalabas ka na.
Patient: cge!
Doctor: tumuloy ka sa ilaw ng flashlyt.
Patient: anu ako gago? Ayoko nga.
Doctor: mukhang magaling ka na nga, teka. Bat ayaw mong tumulay?
Patient: dok, mautak ako. Eh kung patayin mo ung flashlight, eh di nahulog ako!!!
{FET-MOD- LoSTSOuL}
{FET-MOD- LoSTSOuL}

Age : 35
Location : Dagupan City, Pangasinan
Join date : 2009-12-11

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Post by {FET-MOD- LoSTSOuL} Sat Dec 12, 2009 10:47 pm

“Siguro nga hanggang dito na lang.
Siguro nga hindi na ko magiging sentro ng atensyon mo.
Ok lang, masaya na akong nasa gilid lang ako ng paningin mo.”
-Muta.

Girl: judge, ni rape po ako doon sa library.
Judge: aba lintik naman! Daming tao sa library di ka sumigaw?
Girl: di po, kasi merong sign na “SILENCE PLEASE.
{FET-MOD- LoSTSOuL}
{FET-MOD- LoSTSOuL}

Age : 35
Location : Dagupan City, Pangasinan
Join date : 2009-12-11

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Post by LOVELY.TOTSZ Fri Dec 25, 2009 4:00 am


bata:mommy , mommy pde ba q punta america?? mommy:uu naman isip ka muna apat na english words… kinabukasan…… bata:mommy,mommy naka isip na q!! mommy:anu un anak?? bata: 1. I’m batman!! 2. In the trash can 3. Come on baby,! Come on baby,! 4.One more time! maya-maya pumunta na sya sa airport. may nakasalubong syang lalaking galing america na magbabakasyon sa pilipinas lalaki:hey boy , what’s ur name?? bata:I’m batman! lalaki:Where do you live? bata:In the trash can! lalaki:hey if you dont answer me you idiot i’ll kick your ass!! bata:Come on baby,! Come on baby! (SINAPAK NA SYA) bata:one more time!!.

LOVELY.TOTSZ
LOVELY.TOTSZ

Age : 31
Location : valenzuela, phil
Join date : 2009-12-21

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Post by xtel_tenfifteen Thu Dec 31, 2009 7:45 pm

may binulong ang langgam sa elepante at bigla na lang hinimatay ang elepante.
ano ang binulong ng langgam sa elepante?














...
"buntis ako, ikaw ang ama."

------------------------------------------------------

galing ito sa libro ni Bob Ong:

Educated girl: Ano apelyido ni Mary?
Bob Ong: ano?
Educated Girl : Christmas!!!

------------------------------------------------------

Sa isang ospital, pagkatapos ng operasyon -

Pasyente: Dok, bakit ganito ang operasyon sa ulo? Halos kita na ang utak ko.

Dok: Okey iyan. At least, open-minded ka na ngayon.

------------------------------------------------------

Teacher : Student, bakit mo dinala dito classroom yang pusa?!
Student : Nakakaawa po kasi iiwan sa bahay.
Teacher : Bakit?
Student : Narinig ko po kasi kagabi yung ate ko sinabi sa boyfriend
niya
na, "Bukas I will let you eat my pussy."

------------------------------------------------------

A wife wanted to scare her alcoholic husband. One night, he comes
home dead drunk, she dresses up as satan
Husband : Shhino ka? (hik)
Wife : Si Satanas! Kukunin ko na kita!
Husband : Huwag mo akong takutin? asawa ko ang kapatid mo!

------------------------------------------------------

Bagong kasal si Elias, humingi siya ng tip sa tatay niya?
Elias : 'Tay, hindi ko alam kung ano ang dapat ko gawin sa
honeymoon.
Tatay : Madali yan anak, basta ilagay mo ang pinaka-matigas na parte
ngkatawan mo kung saan siya umiihi.
(Kinabukasan)
Tatay : O Elias, ayos ba kagabi anak?
Elias : Ginawa ko yung sinabi mo 'Tay, muntik na akong malunod nang
ipasok ko ang ulo ko sa inidoro namin.

------------------------------------------------------

Nagkita ang pari at madre sa isang seminar.
Pari : Ano ang apelyido mo, Sister?
Madre : Hulaan mo, hinahawakan mo gabi-gabi.
Pari : t*t* !?!
Madre : Susmaryosep! Rosario po ang apelyido ko

------------------------------------------------------

may magsyota....

GIRL: hon, taguan tayo, pag nakita tayo magsesex tayo.

BOY: hon ayoko, natatakot ako, paano pag hindi kita nakita?

GIRL: yaan mo nasa likod lang ako ng piano

------------------------------------------------------

Pageant Night Miss Universe Beauty Pageant Q & A Portion
The FINALISTS :

Miss America
Miss Spain
Miss Britain
Miss Philippines
Miss Iran
Miss India
Miss Japan

QUESTION : Ms. America, how would you describe a male organ in your country?
MS. AMERICA : Well, I would say that male organs in America are like gentlemen.
QUESTION : Why do you say that?
MS. AMERICA : Because it stands everytime it sees a woman.....

(Applause!.... Applause!)

QUESTION : Ms. Spain, how would you describe a male organ in your country?
MS. SPAIN : Male organs in our country are like toros in our very own bullfight.
QUESTION : Why do you say that?
MS. SPAIN : Because it charges everytime it sees an opening.

(Applause!... Applause!)

QUESTION : Ms. Britain, how would you describe a male organ in your country?
MS. BRITAIN : Male organs in our country are like Shakespearian actors and Heroes.
QUESTION : Why do you say that?
MS. BRITAIN : Because it cries after every performance and because it is buried alive.

(Applause!... Applause!)

QUESTION : Ms. Iran, how would you describe a male organ in your country?
MS. IRAN : Well, I can say that male organs in Iran are like thieves
QUESTION : And why do you say that?
MS. IRAN : Because they always enter through the back door.....

(Applause!... Applause!)

QUESTION : Ms. India, how would you describe a male organ in your country?
MS. INDIA : Well, I can say that a male organ in India is like a labourer.
QUESTION : Why do you say that?
MS. INDIA : Because it works day and night....

(Applause!..Applause!)

QUESTION : Ms. Japan, how would you describe a male organ in your country?
MISS JAPAN: It's like an actor in a stage play....because it bows down after every performance.

(Applause!..Applause!)

QUESTION : Ms. Philippines, how would you describe a male organ in your country?
MS. PHILIPPINES : Ahh...well, opcors, hihihihi...I can say dat male organs in our country are like chismis...
QUESTION : Chismis???
MS. PHILIPPINES : Ayy! Sorry... Its ano, ahh kuwan...it means GOSSIP in our language.
QUESTION : Hmm... Interesting comparison. And why do you say that?
MS.PHILIPPINES : Ayy...Dyahe!!!!Hi hi hi hi hi hi...Kasi....I mean because it passes from mouth to mouth..

------------------------------------------------------

awooooh
xtel_tenfifteen
xtel_tenfifteen

Age : 28
Location : Pampanga
Join date : 2009-12-31

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Post by harukitty Thu Mar 18, 2010 6:45 am

[b][i]
doctor talking to a mental patient..

DOCTOR:magaling kana pala kasi sinagip mu friend mu na nalunod..
kaya lang nagbigti sya sa cr..!!
MENTAL PATIENT:d po dok..sinabit ku sya dun para matuyo..




durog Laughing
harukitty
harukitty

Age : 31
Location : queen city of the south babe
Join date : 2009-12-26

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Post by harukitty Thu Mar 18, 2010 7:01 am

Make luv to ur galfriend on Valentine day. She'll give u gud news on Mothers day n u'll hv a child on childrens day. Don't try this on everybody. U'll hv bad news on Dec 1 (AIDS day) Mad Laughing
harukitty
harukitty

Age : 31
Location : queen city of the south babe
Join date : 2009-12-26

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Post by harukitty Sun Mar 21, 2010 5:41 am

Ang tunay na cute mahiyain marunong mag SORRY,at MAKAKALIMUTIN, At,At,ano pa nga iyon?? shocks!! NAKALIMUTAN ku na naman!!NAKAKAHIYA tuloy..







PLAYGIRL daw ako??
un ang pinagkakalat nila,
dahil un daw ang tingin nila..
PLAYGIRL ba ang mag MAHAL ng isa??
AT 10 ang UMAASA??
harukitty
harukitty

Age : 31
Location : queen city of the south babe
Join date : 2009-12-26

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Post by blackdevil13 Sun Jun 06, 2010 1:49 pm

nTTwA Aq ... PADAAN ...
blackdevil13
blackdevil13

Age : 31
Location : FS KS USA
Join date : 2010-05-31

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Post by ashleyjoy Sun Jun 06, 2010 2:04 pm

GIRL 1 : Halata na tiyan mo, bakit di pa kayo magpakasal ng BF mo? GIRL 2 : Ayaw ng pamilya niya eh! GIRL 1 : Sino may ayaw, tatay o nanay niya ? GIRL 2 : yung misis niya! —————————- MISTER 1: Wow, first year wedding anniversary niyo na, anong gift mo sa misis mo? MISTER 2: Dadalhin ko siya sa Africa! MISTER 1: Sarap naman, eh next year ano naman ang gift mo? MISTER 2: Kukunin ko siya pabalik!!!





boylet at kabit.. nagde-date boylet: honey, anong name ko sa phonebook mo? kabit:Mcdo..kasi LOVE KO ‘TO boylet: hahaha..ang sweet naman, ikaw naman BDO kabit: bakit? boylet: kasi WE FIND WAYS.. TOINKS!!!
ashleyjoy
ashleyjoy

Age : 31
Location : canada
Join date : 2010-04-04

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Post by blackdevil13 Sun Jun 06, 2010 4:03 pm

krAxx Dq m geTS .. =)) lol!
blackdevil13
blackdevil13

Age : 31
Location : FS KS USA
Join date : 2010-05-31

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